​In Steven Hayes' Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, he writes about the concept of the “Mind Train”.  The “Mind Train” is when we start to buy into our thoughts.  He recommends cultivating other skills to deal with the internal mental processes that cause us so much suffering.
 
We can do this by learning how to watch your thoughts:

• Without belief or disbelief
• Without entanglement
• Without struggle

​Hayes created the “Watching the Mind-Train” Meditation to help.

• Imagine yourself standing on a bridge overlooking three train tracks.  Each track carries an individual train: one carries the “ore” of things you notice in the present moment, one carries your thoughts, and one carries your urges to act.
• While maintaining this visual, bring your attention to something you have been struggling with lately.
• Your job is only to stay on the bridge and watch the trains pass by. If you notice your mind has jumped down into one of the railcars carrying the different “ores” and is struggling with its content, take notice what hooked you. File it away and mentally return to the bridge and look down at the trains once again.
• Continue to take notice of your thoughts for 5-10 minutes. Just watch what comes up for you.

Finally, write down what you noticed when standing on the bridge watching the three trains. 

• How does what you notice relate to the Kleshas (ignorance, egoism,            attachment, aversion, and clinging)?
• How can you reframe your self-talk and let go of attachment?
• How can you begin to describe yourself as being “with a feeling” as opposed to “having a feeling”?
• How does the reframed language shift or change your level of contentment (Santosha)?

 
Hayes, S.C and Smith, S. (2005). Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.  Oakland, CA. New Harbinger    Publications, Inc.

Satchidananda, S. S. (2012). The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Buckingham, VA. Integral Yoga Publications.

Through compassion, empathy, and assertive communication, you can cultivate loving-kindness. 

What is loving-kindness? You may have heard of Metta Meditations.  Metta is Sanskrit for "loving-kindness".  Loving-Kindness is friendliness, amity, and good-will. It is an active interest in others.

Compassion for others infuses assertive communication with warmth and caring while empathy helps to understand an individual’s inner workings.  These skills lead to interacting with loving-kindness regardless of your personal suffering and leads to wishing the other person wellness.  This amazing combination (compassion, empathy and assertive communication) dissipates the feelings of ill-will that our brain can and does create. 

​​Which leads me to my husband.  He is a fixer. A fixer of fixers. The Chief Fixer. A man who thinks he can fix any thing, any one, and any situation.   And this is why I married him...I don't mean because he can fix my car or the heat pump or just about anything mechanical.  I mean he is helper.  He has this ginormous heart and goes out of his way to FIX all the wrongs of the world.  He spends hours helping a local school (because the dads don't volunteer-we don't have any kids).  He spends weekends rehabbing old cemeteries (the families have forgotten them-we don't know anyone buried in them).  He just is a nice guy who wants to take care of everyone.

He is the guy who will give you the shirt off his back-literally!!

So...sometimes people manipulate that kindness.  They know if they fain distress, he will come to the rescue, take over and fix everything.  Those people don't have to be accountable for their own behavior...because they are users. We all know the type!

Then...

I get frustrated with the hubs because he takes on stress and responsibilities that are not his to take on.  The very trait I love him for, pisses me off. 

​...which leads us to arguments.  We have all been there, right?  

Here's what I try to do...it's hard and I don't always succeed but you might find these steps helpful for cultivating loving-kindness and communicating in a more healthy and helpful way:

1.  Check in. For example:

• It seems like what bothered you was ___________?
• Sounds like you're feeling _________, is that right?

2.  Develop a personal code to “listen more, talk less” 
3. Become aware of triggers for ill-will. Don't focus on potential harm to yourself or your family and don't exaggerate the events occurring. 

These steps enable me to communicate more openly, be less reactive, and be more supportive of my husband and his really big heart.
 
How is this a yoga practice?  Glad you asked!

In the Yoga Sutras, the first two limbs of the Eightfold Path are the yama-s and niyama-s. Each contains 5 principles (10 in total) to follow on your path to enlightenment. Three of these are:

Ahimsa=Non-harming. 

• When communicating, compassion cultivates a loving and safe environment.

Satya=Truth. 

• Assertive Communication enables you to speak from your heart.

Asteya=Non-stealing.

• Empathy empowers you to give someone time and space to be heard.

What other yama-s and niyama-s can you think of?

Try These Practices to Cultivate Loving-Kindness and Effective Communication:

• Meditate on kindness, compassion and being present with others when communicating. 
• Journal when you notice your triggers so that future communication can take place from a centered, and calm place.

 


Rosenberg, S. (Director). (1967). Cool Hand Luke [Film]. Jalem Productions.
Hanson, R. (2009). Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom.  Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Let’s discuss a topic near and dear to many yogis’ hearts-Journaling.  Being a yoga instructor, I continually hear how my students love to journal, I take yoga trainings and they make me journal, and I constantly read how journaling is great for the soul.
 
Let’s be frank, I’m not the journaling type but I definitely can see the benefits and I’m working on being more consistent with it.  Normally since I have a long commute to and from work, I process my daily life in my head.  However, I think journaling may be faster—you remove yourself from the situation at hand and become the witness.  

Sometimes, I get bogged down in the day-to-day activities and lose sight of what is truly important to me.  Like everyone, I can lose sight of my connection to my dharma, my true identity, etc. and journaling can help bring everything back into focus.  

Personally, when I take the time to journal it makes me less reactive towards others.  Not necessarily kinder-but less likely to rip someone’s (say…like my husband) head off.  Journaling makes me reflect on what I appreciate about others and why they are in my life (good or bad).  It also makes me realize how I judge others based on the expectations I set for myself.  Everyone is doing the best that they can and I’m learning how to be content with whatever the outcomes are…which is really hard for a control freak like me. 

I also think journaling helps me grasp how it is related to Ego and identifying with the Ego.  I’m learning to get out of the way of myself and the load of malarkey that I carry as if it were the true me.  This creates barriers and walls that I use to protect myself…which impacts my relationships with others.

I realize this by seeing it laid out bare in a journal entry.  It is very eye opening.  

Journaling helps me process the information I already have (I know this stuff! Those duh! moments) and apply it to access a deeper place.  I am a head-y person and analyzing logical information (journal entries) to gain wisdom is something I think I will always be working on. 

Ultimately, I take the wisdom gained and apply it to understand the nature of SELF—that is a leap of faith-not only in the process but in myself and my inherent nature; that connection with something greater than myself.  Journaling makes me step back and look at how my lifestyle and behaviors impact my true nature.

I hope to continue this process called journaling to make better choices.

NOW LET'S START JOURNALING:

Start easy...Keep it simple!

Journal every day for next two weeks (since i bet, you're cooped up in the house anyway!)

Starting Today:
• Write down ONE thing that disturbed your peace
• Write down WHY it disturbed your peace
• Write down HOW you reacted

After two weeks, go back and re-read your entries.  Did anything change?  Did your reactions change? Did the things that bother you change?  There is no right or wrong answer-just notice if anything shifted.  

Then keep going...don't stop...keep writing!