Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

According to Donna Farhi, “Countertransference refers to the way a student, client or patient may evoke repressed feelings on the part of the teacher, therapist or doctor”.  By being aware of the countertransference, it enables the yoga therapist to create and maintain better boundaries as well as develop tools to contain feelings so not to destabilize the client-therapist relationship.  Trust me-this is easier said than done.  I am always working on this aspect of the client/therapist relationship.  

I openly admit, I struggle with perfectionism making the most prominent feeling a client can evoke in me--accountability.  In my professional and personal life, I am always prepared and hold myself to a high standard especially if I commit to do something for another person.  I equate this trait to respect for and towards others.  So, when a client lacks what I would call accountability or respect, it makes me soooo angry.  I’m also greatly disappointed in and saddened by someone I thought was reliable and trustworthy as if I really know that client on a personal level.

I have to remind myself-I’m the yoga therapist and I don’t know anything more about the client than what he/she/they tell me. The client/therapist relationship is not personal.  So, I endeavor to remain professional at all times and try diligently not put my moral/value/ethical system on others or cling to expectations of others that I have no control over.  Like I said…easier said than done!!  You don’t have to be a yoga therapist to know how hard this is—we experience this same clinging to expectations in everyday life.

Do you hold on a little too tightly to certain aspects of yourself, your life or others? Is it possible to let go of expectations?

How Do I Work on Letting Go Expectations?

I go back to the Yoga Sutras and, in particular, the last Yama …Aparigraha (non-attachment).  This enables me to let go of my expectations of others since it only creates suffering for me.  Here’s are some ways to cultivate Aparigraha:

• Let It Go. “Possessions” take up space and energy—in our heads as well as in our lives. Don’t let someone or something live rent free in your head.
• Just Breathe. When stressed, we hold our breath which increases anxiety. Breathe fully and deeply-remember your Three Part Breathing.
• Self-Care. When we feel insecure, we try to control those around us. Develop ways, like meditation, to center yourself so that you feel independent and can allow others to be who they need to be.
• Positivity. When we cling to negative thoughts, emotions, or memories, we spiral into unhelpful patterns. Replace negative thoughts with an affirmation/mantra for yourself.
• Forgiveness.  Free yourself by offering forgiveness to those around you.

​What tools can you put in place to steady yourself when attachment and clinging raise their ugly head?
 
Farhi, D. (2006). Teaching Yoga: Exploring the Teacher-Student Relationship. Rodmell Press.